SISTER MARY LOU 

Weapon: Vocals and Dance Moves

2007-present Tri-State Arm Wrestling Champion.

Trashy and rude and quite regularly nude, if Hulk Hogan and Dolly Parton had a kid and raised it in a trailer park, you might have something akin to Sister Mary Lou.

Leader of The Hail Marys, she has a point to prove and a shotgun hidden in her beehive FOR ANYONE WHO WON’T LISTEN TO IT!

SISTER MARY JANE

WEAPON: VOCALS

Her hips are hypnotic, her vocals are insane

She puts the ‘ass’ in classy, and the cava in champagne

Diamontes are her diamonds

All the sinners know her name,

Give it up Mother Fuckers

And say amen for Mary Jane!

SISTER MARY JOY

Weapon: Vocals and Dance Moves

This cheerleading champ has more energy than Thomas Edison's ballbag.

More hype than a crack pipe

More pep than a volleyball net

She exists on a strict diet of sweet cotton candy

And her soul is more pure than mahatma Ghandi!

Cross a duracell bunny with homemade lemonade

And find sister Mary Joy, on her holy crusade!

MORGAN THE ORGAN

WEAPON: ORGAN

MORGAN!

He’s weird, he’s strange, he’s possibly insane, but folks around the world have fallen in love with this feral man-child called Morgan.

Cursed with the social skills of a wild woodland mammal but blessed with the musical prowess of a classical prodigy, only time will tell if we are ever to truly understand Morgan the Organ.

T.W

Weapon: bass guitar

Incredible balls.

A lifetime of low-frequency funk jams has left T Dubya almost totally deaf, but his curse became a blessing as he has now learnt to communicate with the world through his beloved bass guitar. 

In the language known as bass-solo “bow-pa-doh” means “praise the mother fuckin’ lord”...I think… it’s either that or “stop the tour bus I need the toilet”

THE PIED PIPER

Weapon: Lead Guitar

He met the devil at a crossroads and made a secret pact

Swapped his name for a blues guitar and some said that was that

But though he now strummed like lightning, people never knew his name, until the Reverend Alabama baptised him and the pied piper he became.

DANNY THE SAX OFFENDER

Weapon: Saxomaphone

Like a hairy magpie he loves shiny metal.

Will polish anything for a dollar.

Restricted by court order from playing ‘careless whisper’ in/around Hampstead Heath public lavatories.

PSYCHEDELIC SIMON

 WEAPON: TRUMPET

Excellent at breathing for long periods down metal tubing.

We found him in the desert, drinking mescal, smoking grass
Spouting prophecies and visions he swore would come to pass
Who was this freaky friar, blowing fanfares full of sass?

“I’m Psychedelic Simon fool! I’ll put some brass inside your ass.”

Fair enough, you’re in the band.

monsieur FLABLAM

Weapon: La Batterie

A mystery. An enigma.

The first Frenchman to visit Alabama since 1964, after taking a wrong turn whilst visiting the Statue of Liberty.

A demon on the drums, the Reverend promised to cleanse his soul and to help him find his way back to Paris, (in return for bringing some beats to the band.)